How Parents Should Treat Their Adult Children
We all grow up one day, it is inevitable. When we grow up our parents need to let us go. We make our mistakes on the way and learn from the mistakes as well. We do return to our parents for advice, family time, holidays, and returning the care they gave us. The main point is parents need to let their children go, but when should they?
Child leaving the nest
Legally a child is an adult when they turn eighteen. Although most teenagers do not have a clue what is yet to come in life. They have been protected in their mother’s and father’s home, now they are getting a desire to accept responsibility and be independent. It is also time to graduate high school and go to college. I know it is difficult for a new adult, because I have been there and you have probably been there too.
Heading to college
When I graduated I moved out of town, went to college, and had an apartment. It was great! I was independent. Well looking back I made a mistake. I started drinking, smoked a little weed, and wasted my money on video games and more. Today I suggest a high school graduate to go to a local college and stay home. Get a job, part-time, and save money.
When going to college you are an adult. If you are living with your parents or family you should pay your portion of the bills, take responsibilities, and prioritize college first, family second, and everything else after. You may think I am being ignorant when I say college first. Well it isn’t a piece of cake. It takes time, studying, homework, projects, finals, and more. You need to put college first because you are investing into your future. Parents are second because they have the responsibility to understand you are furthering your life and career.
Even after you have graduated college you may still be with your parents until you find a job for your career. A lot can happen. You may get married and rent or buy your own place. This is a good reason why I say, “Save your money!”. You need to budget your money to save for small goals a large goals.
Furthering your career but mommy cannot hold back her advice
You have finally graduated college, found a career, and are enjoying what you are doing. What does mom have to say? Does she feel a little insecure about your decisions in life? Maybe she is afraid you are going move out of town, out of state, or even out of country!? There is a lot of drama growing up, but it happens and parents should give us a kick instead of holding us back.
I am going to give you a few examples. Some are from experience and others may be made up. Tell me what you think.
Bob, the son, gets off of work and sees his tire is completely flat. He gets his spare tire out and notices that the jack is missing. He thinks, “Oh great how am I going to do this?”. A co-worker walks out the door and says she has a pump. He accepts and pumps the tire, takes awhile. As he is pumping he notices some air is coming out. He figures he will make it to his parents’ house and get the tire changed there. He gets there and no one is home, then he remembers they went shopping and won’t be home for awhile. So he got the spare key and waited, because he did not know where anything was. When they got home he told them the story. His parents put off telling or showing him where the jack was for 2 hours. It was dark by the time he got fed up and went looking. Then when they finally came out and showed him where everything was they offered their advice on how to remove a tire. Now the bolts were so tight it was difficult to do it by hand. So his parents solution was call AAA. Well he had to work the next day and you cannot really on someone else always. The jack did not take the car all the way off the driveway, the solution was dig the gravel. The bolts were tight, the solution was more leverage. We all get problems we need to find a solution, not argue.
Living in the country is great. The distance from town and chopping wood are the pains. When you try to help your dad cut the logs with a saw and split with an ax or log splitter it gets complicated. It seems even though I have done it for almost 30 years I do not know how to saw, split, or stack wood. This gets frustrating because he is well old and I do not think he should be building fires, much less chopping wood. It is not good for him or the house. He does not want to listen to my advice because he treats me like I don’t know anything. I Google and have discussions on topics like this quite often. I have read news articles on woodpiles falling on elder men. This is why I am concern.
Sometimes moms think they always have to take care of their kids, even when they hit 40. I have know people that have a mother that makes their food, wash their clothes, bathe them, buy their groceries, and just about everything they did when they were a child. Now this could be a person taking advantage of their parent or a parent that cannot let go. He feels discouraged because when he goes for a job his mother tells him he doesn’t need that because mom will take care of him. When this happens for so long his will to move forward is depressed and he accepts his role as a child son.
These all are examples when an adult child wants to leave the nest, but has to face resistance from their mother. When it comes to family, naturally, you do not want to hurt them. What our feelings and mind cannot communicate is that it will be more harmful to you and them to stay home. Not only you have a life to live, but your parents should get more alone time and have some fun. This is a win win. Now family should always have quality time, but we all need our personal time with our spouse or yourself.
Check This Out
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Boundless, Adulthood, Family, When Your Parents Treat You Like A Child , Angela Moon, May 25, 2010