What Should Not Be Said or Done When Parents and Adult Children Live Together
Children grow up and parents still need to feel needed. Today almost 60% of parents need to provide support for their children, 18 to 39. It has become a lot more difficult to get a job, pay off student loans, and be able to afford a place you can call home.
The last 30 years have been rough due to inflation and money hungry capitalist. According to My Budget 360 a house in 1975 cost $48,000. Today, due to inflation, it should cost $209,417; although it actually cost $270,200. That is a $60,783 difference. Today people are money hungry and the average worker does not make a great enough income to live on their own. We all need help. We all need to compromise and get along.
There is so much difference between the children, parents, and grandparents. No one can demand another generation to live like their generation. We all grow up and need to live our life at the stage it is currently at. I am going give you do’s and don’ts when living with mixed generations.
1) Do Not Tell A Person What or How to do it
This can happening everyday from almost anyone like a friend, relative, or boss. Some people are allowed to tell you what to do, like your boss, because that is their job. Some people are at the same level as you and are granted permission by you, like a friend. Although some people, like your parents, need to be careful on telling you what to do. Why? Because for 18 years they raised you, taught you right from wrong, and told you how things are done now it is your turn to prove to them that you were listening and learned life from them. Also as an adult you have a lot more to do other than homework and video games. No one can jump and do it as soon as they are told all the time. I will give you an example.
There are two parents and a son living together. The son has a job, pays his bills, and a third of the house bills. He is on his computer chatting to a financial adviser for college. His mother says, “The paper needs taken out. He replies, “I know I am on a scheduled call will do it when I am done.” She replies, “Well it needs done now!” The son just rolls his eyes and continues to chat about college. When he finishes his conversation with his financial adviser he goes to do the paper. He is too late, his dad already has taken it out. His dad also mocks him because he had to take it out because he was “busy”. The son is hurt on the inside does not feel needed or wanted by his parents. Eventually he gives up on trying to help because he feels no wanted and not needed.
This is wrong on so many levels. The main point I want to have with this the son is not being treated as an adult. An adult shows being responsible a child does not. So why should the son pay part of the home bills if he is not an adult. Treat a person as they are. The second point is the mother is abusing authority. When the child is an adult and has responsibilities that are greater than taking out the paper then a parent should trust them that they will do a chore when he/she is able. Also letting the child know means do not be acting like a boss. Instead of saying, “The paper needs taken out.” or “Well it needs done now!” It is better to say “I will appreciate if you took the paper out the next time you have the time, thank-you.” This is a lot more positive, this is known as negative-positive restatement.
2) Talk About Common Interest and Plan a Day to Have Fun Together
In the new Millennium there are so many things you can do. Now we have the internet, Netflix, 180 channels on Satellite, and Smartphones. There has to be a way to find a common interest that mixed generations can agree on.
I know sports is a big thing that people disagree or agree on together. What happens if two people in the same house like two different teams or two different sports. Well there are many ways. You can do it the old fashion way and flip channels. Now it is easier with Dish Network and DirectTV. They have a recall button and you can flip back and forth between two teams or even two different sports, like NASCAR and NFL. You can also record one and watch it later in the day or the next day. Like if on team starts at 1pm and the other starts at 2pm you can schedule the 2pm game to record and then watch it from the beginning after the 1pm game is over. You may also extend the timer in case it goes to overtime. This is a win win scenario. You can enjoy both games and do it as a family.
3) Keep Negative Responses, Words, Phrases, and Ideas to Yourself
This is not just for adult children living with their parents, this is for everyone in the World. We all have a negative thought now and then, even the most positive people in the World. Although we do not need to spread the negative feed to others, especially family.
Generations are so different. It is by what we wear, what we watch on TV, and our expectations for a career. I am in my mid 30’s and I get aggravated when my dad says. “It was done this way when I was a child.” He has just reached 80 years old. he was my age almost 50 years ago. A lot changes in 50 years. A new car in 1975 cost $3,800 and today it cost $31,252. That is a 820% increase in the last 30 years. According to census.gov the average rate of pay in 1975 was $11,800/ year or $5.67/ hour based on a 40 hour week. Now 820% of $11,800 is $96,760 or $46.52/ hour. Who gets paid that much?
Today’s generation needs help. We need support from our parents to know it will be OK. Hearing about getting a better job, or how to spend our money, or save gas and don’t go out tonight. It gets annoying and hurtful. What parents do not know is the adult children think about going out every Friday night and they do not. Then one Friday a month or every other month they decide to go have fun with friends. Then they get told from their parents do not do it to save money. It will not hurt to have fun once in a while. In contradiction, if the child goes out every night, has a minimum wage job, and not paying for groceries or heat then it is a parents business. You as their parent needs to address it non-aggressive and give them sound advice and have proof to back you up. Go to the internet and do some Googling. I learned the hard way to be financially responsible and even when I learned my lesson I still depended on my parents as a security. Now I am independent and have learned to budget my finances and save money for a rainy day. We all can do this.
We all need to find a common ground. If we do not there will be conflict and chaos. You will always love your family, but you may not like being around them anymore. If you want to stay being part of your family, be a friend before being a parent or a child.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8New King James Version (NKJV)
4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there isknowledge, it will vanish away.
The Bible Gateway, 1 Corithians 13: 4-8, New King James Version, Thomas Nelson.