It is Hard to Trust Again When You Have Been Blind Your Whole Life
I want to tell you about trust. I was watching a sermon this morning and it had to deal with trust between man and God. I do not want to go into everything the sermon talked about, but the main part of the sermon that got my attention was we have to trust God because He knows what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. We all have financial issues but we have to trust God to get us through it. The pastor also talked about forgiving and trusting those who have betrayed you in the past again. I know that is hard because I have the problem of trust with my mother and step-father. I thought they raised me good when I was in my teens and early 20s. Today looking back there is many mistakes they made. I know we cannot fix the past, but I hope sharing this helps you with the future.
The Big Mistake
I am going to start out with the biggest mistake in my opinion. My parents were divorced when I was 7 years old. I saw my father for maybe a year or two after the divorce and then it stopped. My sister had anger towards him for a reason I do not know. I told my mother a few times in my teen years that I would run away to my dad’s. I never did, I did not know where he was. Back in those days we did not have smartphones with Google Maps. I felt lost as a child and neglected.
When I hit the teen years I got into playing video games and I left public school, due to the harassment I received, and went to Christian School. I started enjoying some of the things I had. I love playing Final Fantasy III and going skiing. I liked riding my bike down to a creek near the house. I miss childhood cause the less responsibilities, I am sure everyone feels the same. I also learned that helping others brings joy to your heart. I always went outside and mowed the lawn, raked leaves, and even shoveled snow without complaining. My step-father liked that I would help out. Then he started to change.
When I was in high school and on the basketball team I didn’t always have time to do all the chores when he, my step-father, wanted them done. He would do them before I got home. I would go straight to doing the chores and my mom would tell me they were done. At first I was happy he was helping, but then he started saying things that were offensive as a joke. He would say, “Well you are to lazy to get them done.” or “Since you are always late I have to do it.”. Now the second was true to a point of view. Although if you have a scheduled practice at 4pm and done at 5pm and then get home by 5:30pm then you are not late, you’re late if you get home after that time like at 9pm.
After all this he started to get more ignorant and I started to like him less. I started think of my birth father. I wanted to see if he loved me. One day he took the step and called. I had just lost a job and had plenty of time. I was so happy and he came and picked me up since I didn’t have money. When I got the unemployment I started going. I was living with my mom and step-father at the time. I was wondering if there were going to be any conflicts. I kinda stopped seeing my dad when I got a job that was 12 hour shifts on nights. I also was going to college online and wanted to start a business. The only thing I thought about for those four years was work, college, and business. I worked paying bills into where I could. When college and work were on holiday shutdown I focused on business. Never had a minute in my day. It brought a lot of stress and my stubborness out. I told myself I should give up the business, but I did not until I got fired. Sometimes God tells us what to do and other times He makes it happen. The six months I was unemployed I should have called my father and got our relationship going again, but I was afraid that my mom and step-father would get angry. I did not need that at that time. It has been at least 8 years since I have seen my dad, it has not been 17 years like before I need to fix this before it happens again and it is my fault.
Having Someone to Talk to with Confidence
I believe we all have a family person or friend that we can tell anything to. What if the person you talk to tells another? It then becomes gossip. The first thing we should do is tell them we trust them and not to tell anyone else. It is a responsibility and they may not want it. I use to have that but then what I said was told to another person.
I know it is not easy to hear a person’s problems but we need to get our burdens off our chest to reduce stress. If not then there could be heart attacks, anger, criminal acts, or betrayal. I know when people identify common problems with me it makes me feel better because I am not the only one like this. I have had people talk to me about hard times in life. I listen and identify with them. Sometimes I can even give them some good advice or a suggestion how to deal with it from experience. We need not to be selfish we need to be selfless.
Doing Things You Don’t Like Because You Love Your Family and Friends
We all like some similar things and some entirely different things especially in mixed families. My step-father like bowling and so did I so sometimes we would go bowling together. One thing I really like was playing video games. My step-dad was way before the era of video games he is from the time TV first came out. I wanted him to play Mario Brothers with me when I first got it and he said he couldn’t do it. I wanted to teach him but he wouldn’t even try. It hurt that he wouldn’t be able to share an interest with me. When I was playing basketball I wanted him to come out and help me make shots. All I wanted was for him is to get rebounds at the net and to watch me and give me tips because he played in his childhood, never happened. I also liked watching Mighty Morphin Power Rangers when I got home from school. He got home about 15 minutes after the show started and took the remote. I started hiding the remote and not doing the chores so he would take it out. All I needed was 15 more minutes and he didn’t want to give me that so I had to be disobedient. Today we can record anything at anytime and watch it in another room and watch another channel as it is recording. Even though with technology being so much more advanced than 20 years ago I would still let my child watch a show as long as they were doing good in school, not being disobedient, and follow the schedule I set. I would always compromise if there was a show, a sports event, or maybe a friend calling from overseas. If you do something the same way all the time then you think you are always right. Sometimes we need to adjust what we do to make it better or to acknowledge we need a little change to beat repetition.
I didn’t always like taking care of the fire or bringing in wood during the winter. I got tired of it by early Spring but we still need to build one in the mourning and sometimes in the evening. I would take care of it not because it was my responsibility, but because I loved my parents. When I felt rejected from the family is when I stopped doing things like taking care of the fire and bring in wood. One thing I wanted to do for my step-father was get a cheap heat source installed and either help pay for it or pay it in full. Neither one would even look at the sources of heat that would be available to them. I eventually gave up. They want to build fires until they die then they can do it themselves is what I started to feel. I learned we just need to accept what others want. I guess the fire is good for him cause it does give him exercise. I just hope if they ever needed anything like new source of heat they would ask me.
We All Need Acceptance
It doesn’t matter who you are or what family you are in we all need acceptance in our life. The hard part is accepting parts of our life we do not want to happen, like the lost of a loved one. I believe accepting the bad times like accepting the good times is the hardest challenge in life.
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