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Dark Path Of Life

We all have those times in life we really do not like to talk about. I know because I have had them more then once. I just read a blog of a person who has attempted suicide, have anger issues, and cannot trust anyone. It gave me a flashback to about 10 years ago. I feel I should share this to everyone and I hope this helps anyone who even thinks about suicide because life is not fair, life is challenging. This is why my blog is called Challenge In Life.

I have had issues my whole life. Since I was ten months old I have had epilepsy. When i was 5 I almost died from having multiple seizures all day long. Since then I have been lucky to be alive. In 2012 I had surgery in my left temporal lobe had part of it removed to fix the seizures. Since then the seizures have stopped. I have to stay on my meds for the rest of my life, but I am on a lot less than I use to be. About a year ago I had a stroke and since I have had memory issues.

The Good Times A Long Time Ago

When I first started out on my own back in 2000 I felt everything was good. I made new friends, had a job, got a promotion, and was free from my parents. I was happy. I did some things that I regret today but that is not what we are talking about. I was building my confidence in being a man. Things started going bad and I wussed out. I called my mother and went back to her place. I missed living on my own so I tried it again and went back to where I went when I moved out before. I got an old job back with no problem. Then things started to go bad at my parents’ home.

Family Comes First

I have always believed that family came first. Things have been going bad for years in my parents home, but that is because my step-dad has been developing dementia. It is like he is losing his mind. I moved back home to help my mom around the house so she could focus more on taking care of him. I was lucky because my employer got me transferred. I believe that was God working.

The Job is not Everything

I actually enjoyed the job, although it seems it comes to an end. I was working in a grocery store in the deli. Now this store was in the bad part of town and is no longer around. Customers that came in everyday had to complain about everything that is including how you sliced their meat, how much was in a pound, and how much it cost. Some things you cannot fix. I have always loved making people happy, but when I started here is when people complaining about the little things started getting my love for helping people to diminish. I was eventually terminated because a customer accused me of skipping him and called me racist. When you have five or six people coming up to the counter you just ask who is next and the first to respond gets helped first. It is sad even today there are people out there that are racist and those that play the racist card every time they do not get what they want. I was without a fulltime job for about two years after that. I had temp jobs, I delivered phone books one summer, and I helped my parents around the house. I even got back together with my father during that time. Although it was not all perfect.

Darkness Comes Look For The Light

When I lost my job I was angry. I wanted to hurt someone or something. I sometimes went out in the woods with a stick and pounded on dead trees to break things. I was hurt. I felt I put my all into the job and puff it was gone. My parents were not a lot of support. They kept bugging me to go find a job and not to rely on unemployment. The thing was it was already in my head. They did not need to keep saying anything. All they needed to say was, “I support you.” or “Keep up the good work.”. I did not know I was learning about positive reinforcement vs. negative reinforcement. Positive reinforcement is defined as adding a pleasant stimulus to enhance the behavior. Negative reinforcement is defined as removing an aversive stimulus to enhance behavior. Now trust me negative reinforcement is not a good thing.

I was in the darkest hole I had ever been in. It took all I could to find a job. I looked online and found nothing. There was one place I did not apply at because I did not like fish, Long John Silvers. I heard they were hiring and I figured I should apply. I also made sure I put my goal for management on my application since I got promoted at a previous job. I was hoping that would get me in the door at least and maybe get promoted eventually. I did not know I would get a little of each.

I was hired at LJS with the intent to promote. I got a little extra pay than a normal hire. The general manager and the area manager wanted me to learn everything. I did just that. I knew how to do everything and even before I got promoted I learned inventory and counting down a cash drawer. I really liked learning, but it comes to an end.

The general manager who hired me and promoted me retired after I had been there for three years. The assistant manager got promoted. She was one of the negative type people. I was new at being a manager and need some support. It took me awhile to get out when closing because I was making sure everything was right. She kept complaing that I was there too late. So I started rushing myself. Then my inventory was off and the safe or cash deposit was off. My assistant manager told me to take my time and get it done right. I was torn between a rock and a hard place. One day I was scheduled to open, which I was only trained one day and not intended to do, and I almost missed the time to make the deposit because I had an employee call off. They decided to demote me and I looked for a new job because my goal was gone.

Even though it did not turn out the way I wanted it to it was the light that brought me out of darkness. It gave me hope and the will to look into the future at what I could do.

Your Path May Not Be The Path

When I left LJS I decided I needed a good paying job so I could have a life. A friend of mine worked at a pharmaceutical company. The schedule was 12 hour shifts, but you worked two days and had two days off, worked one weekend and had one weekend off. It was not horrible but could have been better. I got stuck on night shift and could not get on days. It conflicted with my parents especially on the weekend. My step-dad had a problem about keeping his voice down and not talking when he was walking down the hallway. I was going to college online at the time as well. It was hard to compromise of what to do when I had off work. I wanted to help out but he always did things when I had to work. I eventually gave up and put my focus on work and college. If something needed done and I had the time I did it. Maybe I put too much on my plate and should have focused on moving forward in life and not college. I eventually lost my job because I forgot to do a procedure. Having seizures and memory issues due to the surgery has been a challenge and that’s why I lost the job.

History Repeats Itself

It did not take me long to find another job. I was a little angry that I got fired but not disappointed. I was looking around for a new job but did not find anything either I wanted or got a call back. I took about a month off to recoup from working 12 hour shifts on nights and to calm down some. I did not want to walk into a potential employer and look angry. I went to the temp agencies and I got an assignment and got hired after six months. I really enjoyed this job. I was testing military and commercial circuit boards. I even took a class and learned how to solder. I enjoyed the job. It came to an end the day when Human Resources questioned me on a board I moved to the wrong department. She had a email in the router that said it had to go there so I followed the instructions. Well unfortunately I misunderstood it or it could have been a little more direct by stating what step on the router. She referred to my misreading the email as “stupid” by calling me stupid. I took offense to that and lost my cool with her and reported her to the Vice-President. A few days later she terminates me. I think it is because she took it personal. Since it seems like I cannot hold a job down for more than four years I am looking into getting SSI. I hope I can do more for others now that I do not go to work everyday. I plan on volunteering when everything gets settled. Maybe there are more out there like me that I can help.

We Do Not Always Choose Our Path

Our path is not always our choice. The path we should be going down is set for us by God, but we do not always listen where we should go. Just because we choose the path does not mean it is our path. If we take the path God made for us the we would be on our path to get to our destination.

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References

Goldberg, MD, J. (2019). Types of Dementia. [online] WebMD. Available at: https://www.webmd.com/alzheimers/guide/alzheimers-dementia#2 [Accessed 23 Mar. 2019].

Parenting For Brain. (2019). Positive And Negative Reinforcement (Examples, Punishment) – Parenting For Brain. [online] Available at: https://www.parentingforbrain.com/difference-between-positive-negative-reinforcement-and-punishment/#positive-reinforcement [Accessed 23 Mar. 2019].


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Life Is A Highway

No one has to state it life is not simple. It has it bumps, potholes, curves, and mountains to overcome, but we need to travel it and achieve life. It has been a rough life for me but sometimes the destination we think we have isn’t the destination we are meant to have. I am watch CSI: Crime Scenes Investigations today and the show had Rascal Flatts on it. I decided to go on YouTube and listen to some of their music. Well I was reminded it is not the road we take it is the destination that matters.

The Road We Travel Takes Us To Our Final Destination

Life is a road we travel everyday. It can be a hard road or a straight and narrow road whatever it is it will takes us to our final destination eventually. We do not have a map or GPS to show us where we are going, but we do have a guide we need to trust. That guide is Jesus Christ. Unfortunately He is not as clear as a GPS, not that they are 100% reliable either, but he does have a reason. We travel down these rough roads to learn right from wrong, smart from stupid, and kind from mean. Sometimes we do not know why we are where we are at but we need to have faith that He will show us what path to take. There are no shortcuts in life. Trust me I have tried them and have been set back further than I was when I started. We just need to have faith that He will show us where and when to go where He wants us to go. So simple, but complicated. That’s life!

Straying From Our Path

When we stray from the path we are on we get trapped in the unknown. Before you know it your clear path becomes a swamp, woods, or a huge mountain that seems impossible to cross. We need to learn from this and trust in ourselves and God to take us back to where He wants us. To find the path you should be on look into yourself. What is your true heart’s desire to make a great life for you and your family. Something that is not selfish or egocentric. God made you the way you are for a reason and maybe you need to accept that you will be able to do what He wants you to do. We all have strayed from the path He has set us on, we are not perfect, but He will helps us get back on the right path.

Living And Being Happy

Have you had your days of being sad? I know I have. What you need to do is figure out what it is and either remove it from your life or give it to God and He will take care of it. If it is meant to be with you, like your spouse, then He will help you solve the issue and settle the sadness in your heart. If it is meant for you to move on, like a job, then He will open a door to a new and better job. Whatever the problems are wrong in life let God take care of them and He will. There will always be unhappy times in our lives it is inevitable. What we need to do is deal with the problems and resolve them sooner, not let them stay with us for the rest of our lives. The more it hangs with us then it is like having more potholes in your road of life. Sooner or later your car is going to blow a tire. So either fix the tire over and over again or fix the potholes and keep the tires.

Rascal Flatts- Life Is A Highway from Cars



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10 Signs It’s Not Your Body, But Your Soul That Is Tired

Physical exhaustion is one thing, but what happens when you’re suffering from spiritual exhaustion? Here are 10 signs your soul is tired.

Source: 10 Signs It’s Not Your Body, But Your Soul That Is Tired

Life Gets Hard

I have been in a rough life the past eight years. I read this article and thought I better share this because it fits everything I have gone through. There were times I couldn’t get enough sleep, I had headaches, and I was so stressed I didn’t even know why. I needed peace and quiet. The last two years I have been living by myself and just lost my job about two months ago. I have not felt better now than I did a long time ago. I have had acute pain on the right side of my body. It still bothers me but it is getting better. I notice when I am around people that annoy me it flares up.

We all need to minimize stress in our lives and in the lives of our friends and family. Try to be nice and help people out like carrying groceries or just saying “thank-you”. Kindness can go a long way. Maybe if a few of us do one kind act then it will spread and everyone will do kind acts.

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Words: The Greatest Power We Have

We use them everyday, but do not think of how we use them. What are they? Words! Words can be the best thing one uses or they can take a government down in a day. One person may not think their words are offensive, but the receiver may take it hard. It is always better to speak positive than it is negative in any case. Positivity will encourage people to do better.

Using Negative Words Brings Negative Response

Everyone has emotions, even the people that seem like they do not. We all take everything differently than the next person so saying some negative words to one person may not bother them, but saying to the next one my cause a complete breakdown. This is why on should focus on being positive even when correcting a child or an employee.

5 Things Should Not Happen In the Workplace

Using negative words in everyday life can be rationalized, but using them in the workplace cannot be accepted. When a business want to move towards success then it needs to boost production with positive influence. Here are a few words that should not be used in the workplace.

  1. Calling a person stupid no matter how you refer it
    1. When you call a person stupid, idiot, dumb, or retard it does not matter if you say, “You are stupid” or if you say, “Doing that is stupid.”. What matters is the word one uses and it is still referring to the person. It tears down ones self-respect and can cause disrespect to authority.
  2. Hopelessness
    1. Have you ever felt jaded? Well if you have you may have felt that you had no hope. Supervisors need to show a hopeful attitude towards their crew. If their supervisors seem hopeless then the employees will be hopeless. When people feel hopeless they will believe no matter how much effort they put into it they will never get enough done.
  3. Too much overtime
    1. Now do not get this wrong overtime is great, especially when you get your paycheck. Although there is a such thing as too much of a good thing. When a employer works you 7 days a week 12 hours a day and no day off allowed then you are going to wear down and make mistakes. Your production will probably cut in half by the second week. No matter how much sleep you get you will probably start falling asleep at work by the end of the month. Then when you believe it will never end you may go look for another job but not have the time. Some may intentionally get fired to get out of there. If this ever happens to you take it as long as you can and save the money. When it starts to get to you go see your doctor. You can get a doctor’s excuse to get out of mandatory overtime.
  4. Threaten
    1. It only takes common sense no one likes to be threatened. Using a negative word can be conceived as a threat. If a person is belittled by a superior they could take it the wrong way. If a superior does not see you as a benefit to the team then you are no value to them anymore. So the person may see it necessary to stand for themself and go to the higher up. They may even make a threat that could be misconceived. In any situation making a threat is not good. The reason being it will come back at you one way or another.
    2. Every action has equal but opposite reaction- Sir Isaac Newton Third Law of Motion.   
  5. You are a liar or you are wrong
    1. Why do some people believe everything they are told and others never believe what they are told? Well I believe it is because of self-confidence and trust. It may not be with whom they work with, it maybe from childhood. There are situations that people will lie and people will speak the truth. Like if a person is caught shoplifting they may say, “Oh I found it on the floor.”. Well one they lost trust as soon as they committed a crime and two they were probably caught because someone saw them do it. But if they are in a interview and they have on there they are the grandchild of the President of the United States and are called a liar then it is unjust. The manager should follow up and check to see if it is true. If it is then maybe call the person back in for a second interview if not then let it go. Making false accusations can be a crime. So we all need to think before we act.

Cause and Effect

It all comes from the beginning. The more negative thoughts, comments, actions, and responses grow the more negative will be reproduced. The only way to defeat the evil negative forces is with positivity.

Positive Reinforcement Will Always Succeed

How do you feel when someone tells you, “Good Job!”? Does it boost your ego a little. If it does that is good and natural. That is positive reinforcement. Some case are like instead of calling a person “stupid” you let them know how to improve or prevent. For example, “That was stupid to go outside without your jacket on you will get sick.”. Instead use, “You going outside, it is a little chilly here is your jacket to keep warm.” By being positive and handing them their jacket you are giving a choice to wear their jacket. It gives them the feeling they made the decision to put on their jacket, which the reason they did not wear their jacket was probably a case of rebellion to make their own choice.

What to Always Stay Positive On

There are many aspects in life both home and work that always should be approached positive. A lot of times we need support to keep moving forward.

Staying positive should not be difficult. We just need to avoid saying negative words, try and leave the word not out of the sentence, and always believe in yourself first. It is not selfish to think of yourself first. When the day comes to an end it will always be you in the end. Now for those who have family and have a complicated family that “alone time” is needed by everyone. Some guys can go out in the garage and work on something and ladies you may like sewing or talking with a friend. Setting a time to be together as a family and apart as individuals can be a good technique to help to stay positive. We can learn more when we are away from family and then bring it to the home and grow the knowledge within. On that always listen. Everything may not be a good idea, some may be pretty ridiculous, but listening helps build encouragement. It will allow them to think more and show them that being wrong is not a bad thing, but learning from mistakes is what helps you grow.

Always Inspire The Next Person To Be Greater

Inspiration is what has founded this country and what has brought us to where we are at in technology today. Taking a person’s inspiration from them may destroy the greatness of the future for mankind. Instead share their inspiration and become more inspired yourself and pass it to the next person. Here are a few quotes I like that I want to share with you.

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Bad Times Can Come Back To Haunt You

My life was not simple. Childhood was difficult, teen years were hard, and going into adulthood seemed to be a killer. It was hard growing up and accepting my life. Getting over the past is hard, when you do it can come back to haunt you.

Childhood was not easy

Growing up is difficult in my opinion, although I would give anything to be a kid again. My parents got divorced when I was seven. I saw my dad for a few years after then it stopped. I didn’t see him again until I was 26. I was unemployed at the time and it was like God sent him to me.

Ephesians 4:31-32

My step-father has never been close to me. The main issue is he is from a different generation than my mother, thirteen years older than her. I tried to get close to him but it has seemed that he never did it to me. He thinks that buying me things like my first car shows love, I do not. I think time and sacrifice shows love. It can be throwing a baseball or giving up the TV remote it does not matter a small act of kindness will last longer than an object like a car. I cannot remember when he showed me an act of kindness without hesitation or frustration. That has hurt me for over thirty years and I am done with it. I have cut him off entirely.

My mother on the other hand has been good to me, a little over concerned, but good. I have had epilepsy since I was 10 months old. My mom has been a little overprotective not letting getting into sports, taking me out to hang with friends, or believing what I said. The meds I have been on over the years have made me drowsy, zombified, anti-social. This has made kids think I was weird. I was different am still am today. Although being more social and accepting people for whom they are helped me get to who I am. I did get into basketball and soccer in high school. The way I did it was not tell her about it until I was on the team. Played the guilt trip card. It made her feel more guilty to make me quit the team than to let me make the choice to take a chance.

Growing up is not easy

Did you ever think life was a little confusing? Well I did. When I was in my late teens into my 20s my spirit started coming out. I went to a baptist school and a pentecostal church. At school I learned the basics in Christianity: love one another, kindness, salvation, heaven and hell. When I went to church I learned more about praise and worship and women in the ministry. They had me believing in it firmly all because of a couple of scriptures. The pastors at this church were a couple 60s gurus that smoked joints and wanted peace. They established this church to spread what they believed. Their beliefs in dancing in church, speaking in tongues, and women as pastor brought up some conflicts in my soul. I prayed for almost a year for it and did some research. I stopped going and started watching the sermons on TV, eventually I returned to church at the school I graduated from. I felt like I was suppose to be there.

The first time leaving home can be hard. I went to college after I graduated high school. I did not graduate because I moved out of town and lived my life. I didn’t stay focused on college. Hindsight tells me I should of waited a semester and enjoyed my “free time” after high school. But cannot fix the past. I did learn a lot of what to do and what not to do, I think more of the latter. Eventually I got stressed and afraid of the next rent and wanted to go home. I called my mom and moved back home I also got transferred from the job I had to a local one in my hometown. Spending time with family was good I even went back to college and got my degree in Business Administration with a focus on Management. Things did get more difficult though.

When I was done with college I tried starting a business in advertising. At this time I was working on night shifts for twelve hours. I did some of the business while I was on break at work, just like I did my college discussions. I kept doing more research on advertising, targeting, and getting likes but I was not doing great. It seemed to be getting better, more affective. Then I lost my job and became severely depressed. I thought about suicide, I was angry at myself, I was hurt because I could not get someone to say, “It will be ok. I have your back.”. I felt alone and cast out from everyone. It took about a month for me to start casually looking for a job, but when my lawyer won me my unemployment I saw a ray of hope. I actually started looking online, selling things I did not need anymore, and going to temp to hire agencies. I got a job and today am still there. It isn’t my favorite job but I do like it. I wish I could go back to food service and get paid enough to live my life, but that road is gone. Now I am learning new things, living on my own, and I feel like I am at home.

I moved on a few years latter and went back into food service. I wanted to be a manager and got hired as crew to be promoted to manager. I was trained in everything and learned some manager task along the way. I was promoted about two years after I was hired. This gave me the passion to go back to college to learn more even start my own business. I lost my position due to my general manager’s scheduling. I was trained to close and work swing shifts. I was scheduled to open on a weekday and had inventory to do. I was not trained how to handle the shift and almost got to the bank late and ended up short a worker. Once I was demoted I saw my goals had changed. I found a better job. I was working twelve hour shifts three to four days a week. I was making about three times as much but had little time.

The Future

I like where I am at now but I hope to find someplace a little better. I would like to own my own house, have a dog, and grill out with friends. I want a job that I do not have to worry about getting mandated for overtime when I have things I want to do or need to do. Tell you the truth I wish I could hit the lottery so I would not have to worry about work again, but the truth is I would still get a job or volunteer somewhere. I enjoy working I just do not enjoy the idiots in charge. One day maybe a dream or two will come true in my life and maybe even in your life. Who knows maybe life is just a dream.

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