The Road of Life Is Not Easy

It always seems like everyone else has better days than you do, right!? Well do not deny it because I have that attitude most of the time. The truth is we all have rough patches in our lives, but not the same as others. We also become blind to what others have issues with, especially if it does not come close to our problems by our standards. It may sound selfish, but I consider it more blinded by hard times.

The Harder Times Make the Hard Times a Little Softer

I could go on and on and tell you the story of my life, but I am not. I am going to tell you of two times it has been hard for me. One was about five years ago and the other is in the present.

The Past is the Past, but Also a Lesson for Later

When it goes wrong when we try to move forward in life, maybe it is a warning by God we need to stop and observe what we need. I am going a little further back than when it all came crumbling down. I want to explain why I was where I was.

Inspiration to Move Forward

It was about eight years ago, after I came out of a slump, I got a job at Long John Silver’s. I was looking for a job that I would enjoy and could be a permanent job.  About six years before that I was trained as a Team Leader at Burger King, promoted by my Assistant Manager, and really enjoyed it. It gave me a meaning in life. I enjoyed helping customers, running shifts, taking care of cash, and doing inventory. The main problem when working in fast food is the paycheck. So I decided to go for General Manager down the line. I was going to college at ITT Technical Institution for Computer Aided Drafting and Design (CADD). I was not doing well in my sixth quarter and it was the time I got promoted. My GM wanted more dedication. I had already considered dropping out for the quarter and this seemed to be a conformation. I dropped out and went full time. I was hoping to go back the next quarter but never did. I got into financial troubles and called my mother, then moved back to my parents. I was young and could not take chances. I should have handled my money better, handled my time better, and hung around better people. I look back and I have learned what to do and not to do. One thing I did learn is that friends are important. It is not about money, or fashion, or what kind of car they drive. A friend is about the time they give you, the sharing between both of you, and the advice you share. Kindness goes a long way.

Two Steps Back Three Steps Forward

When I came home I got a reference from a Store Manager at Weis I worked at before I went full time at Burger King. He requested a position in my area and a store did need what I had experience in. So they said they would take me, but wanted to interview me first. So the day after I got to my parents’ home I went in to Weis, the one in the bad part of town, and got my interview. The Store Manager liked me and officially rehired me on. He had me in both areas I worked in before which were the deli and cashier. He also got me trained in stocking shelves. I was there for a little over a year and then had a conflict with a black male customer who was accusing me of being racist and sexist because I waited on a white male before a black female. I was not out at the counter when the customers came up I was bring out more product to stock up the deli for in the mourning. When I got out and put things away I asked, “Who is next?’. the white male

There are stupid then there are stupider said, “I am ready.” So I took his order. Irony is the black female had no problems with it, probably did not even decide what she wanted; but the black male started a conflict and it escalated to the point he wanted to go outside and fight. I was reported to my Store Manager and I was terminated. I understood why, but was a little aggravated a jerk like that can get a person  fired for doing their job and in fear for their life. My Manager did say he was taking care of the customer and would not allow him back in the store. That did ease me some, but the damage was done. After that it was two years until I found my next job. This is the job that has messed me up and given me fear of losing the job I have now. I did learn something though, I will get to that. What I did learn from Weis is there are always idiots out there just don’t be one of them.

When One Door Opens Another Door Closes

It was two years until I found my next full-time job. I had on and off jobs like temp-jobs, paper routes, delivered phone books, and even helped people out. Almost six months before I lost my job I had gotten an apartment and made a best friend. We are still friends today and we both have had it rough. When I lost my job I was two months away from the end of my lease. So I had to talk to my landlord. I told her I had enough for the next month but won’t have enough for the following. Since I am going to have to move I asked her to keep the security deposit. She did and I was grateful. I did get on cash assistance to help with bills and food. I could not find a permanent job and  I was so depressed I was ready to give it all up. I figured it was time to meet my maker. Then one day I applied at Long John Silver’s. I did not apply there before that because I did not like fish. I included a cover letter and resume with my application. The reason was because they were looking for management at the time and that is what I wanted. I got a call within a month I submitted my application. The shift manager, which later became my shift manager trainer, interviewed me and she liked me. I got a second interview with the Restaurant Manager. I was nervous when I met him, but we clicked right away. I told him what I felt and wanted to do. I also told him I realize there are steps to get to being a manager and I am willing to take them. He knew I would do what I needed to do to be a great manager like he was. He wanted me, but since he was hiring me with the intent of promotion he had his boss the Regional Manager interview me. I had no fear. I went in with confidence. I got the job no problem. The Regional Manager was an inspiration as well. There were three managers I had that I learned a lot from. My Senior Shift Manager, who was the one who first interviewed me, was always happy. She taught me do not show your bad side when you are at work, especially the leader. My General Manager taught me you get more bees with honey than salt. He was always nice even when you got in trouble. He did not pull you outside and give you a lecture with a stern dictating voice, unlike the Assistant Manager. I had times when he raised his voice to me and talked a little more firm, but he was like getting lectured by a teacher not the principal. Then there was my Area Manager. He was good leader and always tried to stop by every few months and during Lent he stopped by every week. He humbled himself and stepped in and helped the crew, helped the customers, helped the managers. I had even seen him take out the trash and clean the bathroom before. I always wondered what makes you a good leader. Is it being firm and strong or is it by leading by example and humility? Well I learned from him humility is a great asset to being a great leader. It takes some firmness too. When we had manger meetings he attended he stood strong and spoke with a firm voice when he was teaching us. When he was answering questions or having a general conversation on topic he had a lighter voice. He was a good boss, good leader, and a good example to whom we all should follow. My General Manager was transferred to a new co-brand store of A&W/LJS. So the Assistant Manager was promoted before he left. I was also promoted a few months before he left to Shift Manager. I was trained primary to close and sometime do swing shifts, but not to open. My Shift Manager that trained me was leaving due to graduating college and getting a career started. Well my new General Manager set it up to get me fired. She approved the only two other shift managers time off. She had to schedule me for open the restaurant and She came in closing due to end of the month inventory. The only time I ever open is on a Sunday and did not have to run the deposit. Well this was a weekday and I forgot the deposit, did my inventory for the morning which I did have to do, and did not send employees on break at the right time. I was appropriately trained. I only worked one weekday for training on opening. My purpose was closing. The time off should have not been approved. I got demoted and I lost my desire to be a leader anymore. I had to leave. When I did find my next job I left without giving notice, but I did leave a long note and sent an email to the Area Manager. A couple years later I went by and saw that “she” was not there at the time so I went in to get some chicken and lobster bites. I asked where she was and I heard she got fired. I wonder if my email had something to do with it. Did her boss keep an eye on her, did customers complain, or did more employees complain. Whatever reason he fired her was he best choice.  I did learn from Long John Silver’s that I could be more than just a cashier. I also learned there is more in a leader than just telling people what to do, you need to show them. Lead by example. Teamwork is what makes us successful without teamwork then the team will break away. We all make mistakes we need to learn and move on. Also there are times when our road comes to and end, but there is always a choice on where to go. Choices we make make an impact on what we have later down the road. So make the right one the first time because they are all one way. We don’t have a remote control like on Click where you can rewind and fast forward life. You have to deal with the choices you make so make the right one, the first time.

A Leap of Faith

I found my new job from my best friend‘s father. He worked in factory that made medical stoppers and he worked twelve hour shifts. He got overtime almost every week. The way the schedule went we only worked 180 days. We got a week of for the Fourth of July and Christmas due to cleaning the clean rooms. It was not a horrible job, but the big shots did  not care about their employees. We would have an extreme amount of work, but never have help because the overtime would not be approved, they would not hire an additional person to keep product moving, they expected 200% out of everyone, and when the slackers did not do what was expected then the supervisor would be blamed. The last one I really did not like. It is immoral, unethical to blame a supervisor for how an employee acts. If the employee will not do their job then the supervisor needs to make aware they need to improve, then verbal warning, then written warning and eventually termination. If the supervisor does all this they are doing their job. I had a manager get fired for doing his job. He supposedly should have sent someone home not just wrote them up. I lost all desire of becoming a supervisor after that. The job I had was weighing up medical stoppers and packing them off. There was two of us and two rooms. There were nights that one of us was in one room and the other in the other room. We did weigh up and pack off for ourselves. We could have had an extra person too. On dayshift they did have a third person. When dayshift came in they would complain when we still had boxes left on the belt. I guess teamwork is overrated there. While I was there I graduated college online and started a business. My business did not get off the ground before I got fired for forgetting to follow an everyday procedure. The reason I forgot the procedure is because a few months prior I had something similar to a stroke, but did not show the signs after of a stroke. What it did cause was short term memory issues. I had fear of forgetting something. I did go back and got re-trained on dayshift. Then after I went back to nights I forgot to follow procedure like I did every night. When they called me in on my day off I knew something was up. They showed me the video and I could not believe it. I told them I did not remember that. I explained I was still having some memory issues and evidently forgot.  They did not believe me and fired me. I was so angry it took all I had morally, ethically, and spiritually to hold back from taking a swing. When I went home and told my mother all she could say is “How can you pay your bills?”. During the time of my unemployment I was so depressed the thought of suicide but did not act. I did not have any support until one day I decided to go back to church. I went to the church I knew. It was the church that ran the school I graduated from. I got support from a good friend, my pastor, and others in the church. It gave me a ray of hope. I went back out looking for work. I got a temp job that was temp to hire. I liked the job, learning a lot. It seemed like I would never be hired. My supervisor at that time wanted me hired on so she went to whomever she had to. Within a week she got me hired. My paycheck went up and I got seventeen days of vacation just like that. Today I am still there and I like the job, but am concerned it will not last much longer.

Renewed and Reborn: Out of the Ashes Rises the Mighty Phoenix

Reborn and Rise

Now today I have a job that I like. I want to stay but am unsure. I learned from previous jobs and life events trust is earned not given. I have been really tight on money and am concerned about working too much. I do not want to have another stroke and maybe die from it or forget something and lose my job again. I need to plan ahead and set several options on how to survive. It is like on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory when he says, “Life is like a box of chocolate you never know what you are going to get.”. Well I think he is right but sometimes it seems more like grenades not chocolate. Life is not easy and I do not think it will get easier. We just need to accept what we have at the time, be grateful for what is good, and be mindful of how to prevent and fix the bad things.

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It is Hard but, Forgive and Forget

I know we all have hard times in life and we want to blame it on someone other than ourselves. There are some people that the only person they can blame is theirself. Although we should not hold a grudge on anyone especially ourselves. We need to forgive. It does take time, space, and acceptance; but once you can forgive you will have peace. I have shared this video on my music page on my blog, but I want people to see it even more. This song has helped me through life, has helped me accept the hard times as a trial of God, and has lead me in the direction of Salvation of Jesus Christ. I will explain this all to you, but if you wish listen to the song, turn of any noise, put away any distractions even your smartphone unless you are reading my blog from it, and listen not with your ears, but with your heart.

Don Henley

The Heart of the Matter

Lead Me To Salvation

When I was not even a teenager I was the one the kids picked one, beat up, and threatened in school. The only way my mother could see to stop it was take me out of public school and place me in a Christian (Baptist) school. I had no idea what religion was like, I was about to learn.

When I was in school I learned the Bible everyday and had chapel on Fridays. My fifth grade teacher talked to me about Christ and Heaven. She told me He came here over 2000 years ago to die on the cross and rise again the third day to cleanse us of our sins. She also told me we have to have faith and be saved in Him to go to Heaven. Now I was a little unsure back then because before then I had no idea of Heaven or Hell. I also wondered if I sinned again did I need to get saved again. For example a Christian is crossing the road and then sees headlights of an eighteen wheeler coming at the and says a “bad word” do they go to Heaven or Hell. I did learn that once you are saved you are saved unless you reject God and tell Him you no longer want your Salvation. Now you may be wondering how I got to this. This was the time I first heard this song, “The Heart of the Matter”.

I loved the music of the Eagles and when I found a CD of Don Henley’s I had to have it. My mom bought it for me and when I heard the song it took my breath away. It froze me and had my full attention.  When I heard these lyrics is when the tears started to flow and still do, “And the struggles we went through, How I lost me and you lost you, What are these voices outside loves open door, Make us throw of our contentment, and beg for something more.” Here is where my eyes are tearing, “I’m learning to live without you now, but I miss you sometimes, the more I know the less I understand all the things I thought I knew I am learning again,  I’ve been try to get down to the heart of the matter but my will gets weak and my thought seem to scatter,  so I think it’s about forgiveness, forgiveness even if I don’t love you anymore.”

This just reinforced what my teacher was talking to me about when it came to Salvation. The “struggles we went through” for example. We all go through struggles everyday and i was going through a lot at the time. They are trials given to us by God to test us. Also ‘I lost me and you lost you” without Jesus Christ as Savior we are lost. The “voices outside loves open door”‘ is temptation, deception, sin and “something more” is Salvation. We do learn to live with God and we could do that for a long time, but He will keep sending us His Word and never give up. Then when I did “get down to the heart of the matter, my will got weak, and my thought did scatter, so i sought forgiveness, forgiveness” and I was saved in Jesus Christ and baptized at the Door of Fellowship in Williamsport, PA. I was born again. If you want to be saved just say a prayer to God and as for forgiveness of your sins, let Him know you are now dedicated to Him, ask him to show you the way to His path, and ask him to cleanse you. If you want to read the Sinners Prayer read Psalms 51.

Gives Me Peace

This is a very peaceful song. When I have a bad day or tension between family or co-workers I listen to this song. It gives me peace. I don’t know why, but it soothes me like a hurricane becoming blue sky and still water. We all need peace for a few minutes in a day. This is what does it for me. Even when I am at work I stop and listen. I have pulled over before to listen. I believe this song was a gift from God to us. It is sad that love isn’t always simple. Sometimes relationships end and it is no one’s fault. Everything happens for a reason and the reason of this song is for peace in the heart. I hope you like this song as much as I do.

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Music

The Eagles: Hotel California

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Watch “Poison – “Nothin’ But A Good Time” (HQ Sound)” on YouTube

 

Citations

Altrogge, S., Nation, P., Patterson, C., Murray, D. and McDaniel, D. (2018). Psalm 51 – NIV Bible – Have mercy on me, O God, according to your…. [online] Bible Study Tools. Available at: https://www.biblestudytools.com/psalms/51.html [Accessed 20 Jul. 2018].

 

7 Different Kinds of Seizures and Their Symptoms

When we think of seizures, we often only picture how the patient goes into convulsions – but there are actually different types of seizures (divided into major groups) that have varying symptoms depending on where they originate in the brain.

I find this important because I have had seizures my entire life. Everyone needs to be aware of the symptoms because if you are ever around a person having a seizure you need to either help them or call 911.  Life is not easy if you are normal, it is definitely not easy having epilepsy. Please read the article so you may be aware of those around you.  It may save their life, maybe even your’s.

Source: 7 Different Kinds of Seizures and Their Symptoms

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It is Hard to Trust Again When You Have Been Blind Your Whole Life

I want to tell you about trust. I was watching a sermon this morning and it had to deal with trust between man and God. I do not want to go into everything the sermon talked about, but the main part of the sermon that got my attention was we have to trust God because He knows what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. We all have financial issues but we have to trust God to get us through it. The pastor also talked about forgiving and trusting those who have betrayed you in the past again. I know that is hard because I have the problem of trust with my mother and step-father. I thought they raised me good when I was in my teens and early 20s. Today looking back there is many mistakes they made. I know we cannot fix the past, but I hope sharing this helps you with the future.

The Big Mistake

I am going to start out with the biggest mistake in my opinion. My parents were divorced when I was 7 years old. I saw my father for maybe a year or two after the divorce and then it  stopped. My sister had anger towards him for a reason I do not know. I told my mother a few times in my teen years that I would run away to my dad’s. I never did, I did not know where he was. Back in those days we did not have smartphones with Google Maps. I felt lost as a child and neglected.

FFiII

When I hit the teen years I got into playing video games and I left public school, due to the harassment I received, and went to Christian School. I started enjoying some of the things I had. I love playing Final Fantasy III  and going skiing. I liked riding my bike down to a creek near the house. I miss childhood cause the less responsibilities, I am sure everyone feels the same. I also learned that helping others brings joy to your heart. I always went outside and mowed the lawn, raked leaves, and even shoveled snow without complaining.  My step-father liked that I would help out. Then he started to change.

When I was in high school and on the basketball team I didn’t always have time to do all the chores when he, my step-father, wanted them done. He would do them before I got home. I would go straight to doing the chores and my mom would tell me they were done. At first I was happy he was helping, but then he started saying things that were offensive as a joke. He would say, “Well you are to lazy to get them done.” or “Since you are always late I have to do it.”. Now the second was true to a point of view. Although if you have a scheduled practice at 4pm and done at 5pm and then get home by 5:30pm then you are not late, you’re late if you get home after that time like at 9pm.

After all this he started to get more ignorant and I started to like him less. I started think of my birth father. I wanted to see if he loved me. One day he took the step and called. I had just lost a job and had plenty of time. I was so happy and he came and picked me up since I didn’t have money. When I got the unemployment I started going. I was living with my mom and step-father at the time. I was wondering if there were going to be any conflicts. I kinda stopped seeing my dad when I got a job that was 12 hour shifts on nights. I also was going to college online and wanted to start a business. The only thing I thought about for those four years was work, college, and business. I worked paying bills into where I could. When college and work were on holiday shutdown I focused on business. Never had a minute in my day. It brought a lot of stress and my stubborness out. I told myself I should give up the business, but I did not until I got fired. Sometimes God tells us what to do and other times He makes it happen. The six months I was unemployed I should have called my father and got our relationship going again, but I was afraid that my mom and step-father would get angry. I did not need that at that time. It has been at least 8 years since I have seen my dad, it has not been 17 years like before I need to fix this before it happens again and it is my fault.

Having Someone to Talk to with Confidence

I believe we all have a family person or friend that we can tell anything to. What if the person you talk to tells another? It then becomes gossip. The first thing we should do is tell them we trust them and not to tell anyone else. It is a responsibility and they may not want it. I use to have that but then what I said was told to another person.

I know it is not easy to hear a person’s problems but we need to get our burdens off our chest to reduce stress. If not then there could be heart attacks, anger, criminal acts, or betrayal. I know when people identify common problems with me it makes me feel better because I am not the only one like this. I have had people talk to me about hard times in life. I listen and identify with them. Sometimes I can even give them some good advice or a suggestion how to deal with it from experience. We need not to be selfish we need to be selfless.

Doing Things You Don’t Like Because You Love Your Family and Friends

 

We all like some similar things and some entirely different things especially in mixed families. My step-father like bowling and so did I so sometimes we would go bowling together. One thing I really like was playing video games. My step-dad was way before the era of video games he is from the time TV first came out. I wanted him to play Mario Brothers with me when I first got it and he said he couldn’t do it. I wanted to teach him but he wouldn’t even try. It hurt that he wouldn’t be able to share an interest with me. When I was playing basketball I wanted him to come out and help me make shots. All I wanted was for him is to get rebounds at the net and to watch me and give me tips because he played in his childhood, never happened. I also liked watching Mighty Morphin Power Rangers when I got home from school. He got home about 15 minutes after the show started and took the remote. I started hiding the remote and not doing the chores so he would take it out. All I needed was 15 more minutes and he didn’t want to give me that so I had to be disobedient. Today we can record anything at anytime and watch it in another room and watch another channel as it is recording. Even though with technology being so much more advanced than 20 years ago I would still let my child watch a show as long as they were doing good in school, not being disobedient, and follow the schedule I set. I would always compromise if there was a show, a sports event, or maybe a friend calling from overseas. If you do something the same way all the time then you think you are always right. Sometimes we need to adjust what we do to make it better or to acknowledge we need a little change to beat repetition.

I didn’t always like taking care of the fire or bringing in wood during the winter. I got tired of it by early Spring but we still need to build one in the mourning and sometimes in the evening. I would take care of it not because it was my responsibility, but because I loved my parents. When I felt rejected from the family is when I stopped doing things like taking care of the fire and bring in wood. One thing I wanted to do for my step-father was get a cheap heat source installed and either help pay for it or pay it in full. Neither one would even look at the sources of heat that would be available to them. I eventually gave up. They want to build fires until they die then they can do it themselves is what I started to feel. I learned we just need to accept what others want. I guess the fire is good for him cause it does give him exercise. I just hope if they ever needed anything like new source of heat they would ask me.

We All Need Acceptance

 

It doesn’t matter who you are or what family you are in we all need acceptance in our life. The hard part is accepting parts of our life we do not want to happen, like the lost of a loved one.  I believe accepting the bad times like accepting the good times is the hardest challenge in life.

 

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