Respect Is Earned Not Given but Don’t Be Insubordinate

I know we all want a little respect from our family, friends, co-workers, and supervisors. I know I do and I respect people more when they show me respect, but when they disrespect me it is like getting shot in the back. When this happens we need to have more self-control not to fall to their level and disrespect them.

What is Respect?

I often wonder if people get confused of what is respect vs. common courtesy. An example I think of is a man holding a door for a woman. Who goes in first? If the man walks in and holds the door open then I see that as common courtesy, but if he holds the door and lets the woman enter first then that is respect. Taking a step aside is what it takes to show respect. Even if it means shutting your mouth and listening to a person to hear their story of what happened.

Defamation of character is not respect

Have you ever made a mistake? If you say no then you are lying. Now I like to joke around at work and say “I never make a mistake”, but we all do everyday. We are not perfect from day one of the Creation of Adam and Eve. Making a mistake should not be taking to an extreme extent where a person feels that their job, relationship, or financial circumstances may be at risk because of what another person says. When a supervisor belittles you by calling you “stupid” no matter how they refer it it is defamation of character.

I say that to say this. This past week at work I had my supervisor from human resources call me stupid because I misunderstood an email she placed on the product. It doesn’t matter what was on the documents the point I am going to make is how it went down.

The first thing was they could not find the product I had moved. So they came to me and I told them it is where it says it is. Well evidently I put it in the wrong spot in the right room and they had a hard time to find it. This happens a lot. Everyday as a matter of fact. People bring product to me and place it in the wrong spot always and I just go get it. As long as it isn’t at the other end of the building I and 99% of other employees don’t see a big problem. We all need to take initiative to solve the problem not complain about it a create a bigger problem.

When they did find the product they brought to my attention I moved it to the wrong spot. They started with the attitude like they were giving me a lecture. I tried to explain to them the email on the product said to take it where I did. It was on the front of the paperwork so that made it a priority. They continued to mock me by asking if I thought we would do a latter job than the one is due next. Hey i don’t know what crazy ideas they come up with I just follow instructions. They ended up asking, “Are you an idiot?”. That lit the fire within me. I raised my voice and firmly told them that they thought I was an idiot. Of course they denied it. I was threatened to be written up for insubordination. That set me on my protect myself mode.

After the lecture was over it took me a couple hours to simmer down. Once I did I went to the higher up supervisor and told him what happened. I explained that the document should have been more clear. I also told him that call a employee is defamation of character and I may consider legal action. He asked if I was going to act on it now I told him, “No, but if I get written up for doing my job and have to take this from them then I may act.”. While I was trying to cool down I told him my hands were shaking so bad that a fifteen minute job took me an hour to complete. After I left his office my hands stopped shaking. I was calming down already, but still agitated it happened in the first place. Later I saw him “talking” to them in the office. I saw some angry facial expressions so I assume that they were talking about the incident. I started feeling even better knowing it was being dealt with. I didn’t get written up like they said they would.

Now you may think I am bragging and making excuses, but I am not. I want to point out mistakes from both ends. Sometimes we act before we think, but we need to think before we act.

Think Before You Act

It made be hard sometimes but we all need to do a little thinking everyday. I am going to start from the beginning.

Not writing a crystal clear email or document

One thing I do know is when communicating with multiple people you need to make the point clear, crystal clear. I went to American InterContinental University for my Associates Degree in Business Administration. One thing I learned while I was there is don’t write the document for you write it for who you are targeting. It can be difficult because you have to think outside the box at times, although when it comes to employees it should be easy to follow the instructions in the email or on the document. It should state what needs done, where it needs done, and when it needs done. If it doesn’t then it could be misunderstood and an error can be made.

Accepting We All Make Mistakes, Not Assuming That Everything Is Where It Should Be

I don’t know about you but I have lost things at home because I put them in a different spot than I usually do or somebody moved it and didn’t put it back. Actually I did it this mourning. I went out last night to do some shopping before we get the two feet of snow we are going to get. I needed one more thing this morning so I decided to go early, before the snow. I could not find my keys anywhere. They should have been in my coat pocket or on the table. I stopped and backtracked my steps and I couldn’t recall putting my keys back in my coat or on the table. I thought did I even take them out of the door? Well I opened the door and there they where. For once I am glad I live in a second floor apartment. I say that to say this… I messed up. I had to admit to myself I made a mistake and figure out where and when. If my ego got in my way I may have never found my keys. Everyday we all make mistakes some are small ones some are really big ones, like drinking and driving. What we need to do is learn from them and do it better next time.

The biggest mistake I made at work was not moving the product to the wrong spot but lifting my voice to to supervisor. They made the mistake of belittling me, but I should have been better than them and kept my cool. I did have a legit reason to get upset. Although that does not mean you should do it. For instance you need to get home and your friend is drunk and you two are using his car. Should you take the keys and drive yourself? Well depends, have you been drinking too. If you have even on beer and drive you could be over the legal limit. If your are both trashed then it is not safe for either to drive. So just because it sounds good in your head does not mean it is good.

We All Are Created Equal

I just want to say I firmly believe that we are all equal. Even when it comes to supervisors and employees. It is just the employees need to follow the leaders. We all need leaders even leaders need leaders. Sometimes the leaders look at us to see what they should be doing. All this comes down to respect. Showing respect to everyone is hard, but we can do it. If everyone showed respect to the other person then there would be no disrespect. My favorite scripture from the King James Holy Bible is…

Ephesians 4:32 King James Version (KJV)

32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.

References

Bible Gateway passage: Ephesians 4:32 – King James Version. (2019). Retrieved from https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians+4%3A32&version=KJV

Orlando Defamation of Character Lawyers | Workplace Slander, Libel. (2019). Retrieved from https://www.forthepeople.com/labor-and-employment-lawyers/workplace-defamation/

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It is Hard but, Forgive and Forget

I know we all have hard times in life and we want to blame it on someone other than ourselves. There are some people that the only person they can blame is theirself. Although we should not hold a …

Source: It is Hard but, Forgive and Forget

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Dark Path Of Life

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We all have those times in life we really do not like to talk about. I know because I have had them more then once. I just read a blog of a person who has attempted suicide, have anger issues, and cannot trust anyone. It gave me a flashback to about 10 years ago. I feel I should share this to everyone and I hope this helps anyone who even thinks about suicide because life is not fair, life is challenging. This is why my blog is called Challenge In Life.

I have had issues my whole life. Since I was ten months old I have had epilepsy. When i was 5 I almost died from having multiple seizures all day long. Since then I have been lucky to be alive. In 2012 I had surgery in my left temporal lobe had part of it removed to fix the seizures. Since then the seizures have stopped. I have to stay on my meds for the rest of my life, but I am on a lot less than I use to be. About a year ago I had a stroke and since I have had memory issues.

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The Good Times A Long Time Ago

When I first started out on my own back in 2000 I felt everything was good. I made new friends, had a job, got a promotion, and was free from my parents. I was happy. I did some things that I regret today but that is not what we are talking about. I was building my confidence in being a man. Things started going bad and I wussed out. I called my mother and went back to her place. I missed living on my own so I tried it again and went back to where I went when I moved out before. I got an old job back with no problem. Then things started to go bad at my parents’ home.

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Family Comes First

I have always believed that family came first. Things have been going bad for years in my parents home, but that is because my step-dad has been developing dementia. It is like he is losing his mind. I moved back home to help my mom around the house so she could focus more on taking care of him. I was lucky because my employer got me transferred. I believe that was God working.

The Job is not Everything

I actually enjoyed the job, although it seems it comes to an end. I was working in a grocery store in the deli. Now this store was in the bad part of town and is no longer around. Customers that came in everyday had to complain about everything that is including how you sliced their meat, how much was in a pound, and how much it cost. Some things you cannot fix. I have always loved making people happy, but when I started here is when people complaining about the little things started getting my love for helping people to diminish. I was eventually terminated because a customer accused me of skipping him and called me racist. When you have five or six people coming up to the counter you just ask who is next and the first to respond gets helped first. It is sad even today there are people out there that are racist and those that play the racist card every time they do not get what they want. I was without a fulltime job for about two years after that. I had temp jobs, I delivered phone books one summer, and I helped my parents around the house. I even got back together with my father during that time. Although it was not all perfect.

Darkness Comes Look For The Light

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When I lost my job I was angry. I wanted to hurt someone or something. I sometimes went out in the woods with a stick and pounded on dead trees to break things. I was hurt. I felt I put my all into the job and puff it was gone. My parents were not a lot of support. They kept bugging me to go find a job and not to rely on unemployment. The thing was it was already in my head. They did not need to keep saying anything. All they needed to say was, “I support you.” or “Keep up the good work.”. I did not know I was learning about positive reinforcement vs. negative reinforcement. Positive reinforcement is defined as adding a pleasant stimulus to enhance the behavior. Negative reinforcement is defined as removing an aversive stimulus to enhance behavior. Now trust me negative reinforcement is not a good thing.

I was in the darkest hole I had ever been in. It took all I could to find a job. I looked online and found nothing. There was one place I did not apply at because I did not like fish, Long John Silvers. I heard they were hiring and I figured I should apply. I also made sure I put my goal for management on my application since I got promoted at a previous job. I was hoping that would get me in the door at least and maybe get promoted eventually. I did not know I would get a little of each.

I was hired at LJS with the intent to promote. I got a little extra pay than a normal hire. The general manager and the area manager wanted me to learn everything. I did just that. I knew how to do everything and even before I got promoted I learned inventory and counting down a cash drawer. I really liked learning, but it comes to an end.

The general manager who hired me and promoted me retired after I had been there for three years. The assistant manager got promoted. She was one of the negative type people. I was new at being a manager and need some support. It took me awhile to get out when closing because I was making sure everything was right. She kept complaing that I was there too late. So I started rushing myself. Then my inventory was off and the safe or cash deposit was off. My assistant manager told me to take my time and get it done right. I was torn between a rock and a hard place. One day I was scheduled to open, which I was only trained one day and not intended to do, and I almost missed the time to make the deposit because I had an employee call off. They decided to demote me and I looked for a new job because my goal was gone.

Even though it did not turn out the way I wanted it to it was the light that brought me out of darkness. It gave me hope and the will to look into the future at what I could do.

Your Path May Not Be The Path

When I left LJS I decided I needed a good paying job so I could have a life. A friend of mine worked at a pharmaceutical company. The schedule was 12 hour shifts, but you worked two days and had two days off, worked one weekend and had one weekend off. It was not horrible but could have been better. I got stuck on night shift and could not get on days. It conflicted with my parents especially on the weekend. My step-dad had a problem about keeping his voice down and not talking when he was walking down the hallway. I was going to college online at the time as well. It was hard to compromise of what to do when I had off work. I wanted to help out but he always did things when I had to work. I eventually gave up and put my focus on work and college. If something needed done and I had the time I did it. Maybe I put too much on my plate and should have focused on moving forward in life and not college. I eventually lost my job because I forgot to do a procedure. Having seizures and memory issues due to the surgery has been a challenge and that’s why I lost the job.

History Repeats Itself

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It did not take me long to find another job. I was a little angry that I got fired but not disappointed. I was looking around for a new job but did not find anything either I wanted or got a call back. I took about a month off to recoup from working 12 hour shifts on nights and to calm down some. I did not want to walk into a potential employer and look angry. I went to the temp agencies and I got an assignment and got hired after six months. I really enjoyed this job. I was testing military and commercial circuit boards. I even took a class and learned how to solder. I enjoyed the job. It came to an end the day when Human Resources questioned me on a board I moved to the wrong department. She had a email in the router that said it had to go there so I followed the instructions. Well unfortunately I misunderstood it or it could have been a little more direct by stating what step on the router. She referred to my misreading the email as “stupid” by calling me stupid. I took offense to that and lost my cool with her and reported her to the Vice-President. A few days later she terminates me. I think it is because she took it personal. Since it seems like I cannot hold a job down for more than four years I am looking into getting SSI. I hope I can do more for others now that I do not go to work everyday. I plan on volunteering when everything gets settled. Maybe there are more out there like me that I can help.

We Do Not Always Choose Our Path

Our path is not always our choice. The path we should be going down is set for us by God, but we do not always listen where we should go. Just because we choose the path does not mean it is our path. If we take the path God made for us the we would be on our path to get to our destination.

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References

Goldberg, MD, J. (2019). Types of Dementia. [online] WebMD. Available at: https://www.webmd.com/alzheimers/guide/alzheimers-dementia#2 [Accessed 23 Mar. 2019].

Parenting For Brain. (2019). Positive And Negative Reinforcement (Examples, Punishment) – Parenting For Brain. [online] Available at: https://www.parentingforbrain.com/difference-between-positive-negative-reinforcement-and-punishment/#positive-reinforcement [Accessed 23 Mar. 2019].

Life Can Be Complicated, But it Doesn’t Have to Be

Ever wake up and just feel like putting your head under the covers and going back to sleep? Me too. Every day at the moment. I don’t know about you but I’m finding life overwhelming. Source: Life C…

Source: Life Can Be Complicated, But it Doesn’t Have to Be

10 Signs It’s Not Your Body, But Your Soul That Is Tired

Physical exhaustion is one thing, but what happens when you’re suffering from spiritual exhaustion? Here are 10 signs your soul is tired.

Source: 10 Signs It’s Not Your Body, But Your Soul That Is Tired

Life Gets Hard

I have been in a rough life the past eight years. I read this article and thought I better share this because it fits everything I have gone through. There were times I couldn’t get enough sleep, I had headaches, and I was so stressed I didn’t even know why. I needed peace and quiet. The last two years I have been living by myself and just lost my job about two months ago. I have not felt better now than I did a long time ago. I have had acute pain on the right side of my body. It still bothers me but it is getting better. I notice when I am around people that annoy me it flares up.

We all need to minimize stress in our lives and in the lives of our friends and family. Try to be nice and help people out like carrying groceries or just saying “thank-you”. Kindness can go a long way. Maybe if a few of us do one kind act then it will spread and everyone will do kind acts.

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