Tag Archives: family conflict

Sometimes Family Cannot Live Together Because They Will Never Agree

We all have family members that are the nice ones, the grumpy ones, the neat ones, and the little obsessive ones; but what if you are a positive one with the negative ones. This can cause problems through out life if no common ground is found. There is a time to agree and a time to disagree.

Showing Favoritism Among the Kids

Believe it or not, all parents have a favorite child. It happened in my family and I was not the favorite. It is like liking Pepsi over Coke or Coke over Pepsi. They are both colas, taste similar, but one is better than the other to everyone.

Dragon QuestIt is understanding that parents can favor on child over another, especially mothers favoring daughters and fathers favoring sons, although giving privileges to one and none to another makes them feel rejected. Sometimes you cannot treat your children exactly the same. These days there are a lot of children born with limitations or handicaps. Everyone has different interest as they grow up too. I know I liked playing outside when I was very young, but when I got to my teens I loved video games. The Nintendo came out and it made my mind work. I love Role Playing Games (RPG). My favorite from the NES was Dragon Warrior Series. My mother would always yell at me about always being on my Nintendo, which I was not, and not going outside. When I did go outside and play with my sister and her friend, which today is her husband, he would always end up being a jerk and have to be the dominating man. Today I realize I did not like that because I saw myself as the man of the house and he should be submissive to me. Even back then I developed in my mind if you cannot win just walk away.

Whenever there was chores to do I always got them. Chores like taking out the garbage, bringing in wood, mowing the lawn, and even cooking dinner I always did them and never got any benefits from it. My sister on the other hand did not have any chores she had responsibilities. She had like a dozen pets cats, dog, birds, fish, hermit crabs, lizards, rabbits and more. Whenever I complained that my sister did not have any chores that I did “everything” my mother always said, “Yes she does!”. I told her, “They are not chores they are responsibilities. If you think they are both the same I am going to give you the definitions.

Chore–   a small or odd job; routine task, the everyday work around a house or farm

Responsible involving accountability or responsibilityas in having the power to  control or manage:, reliable or dependable, as in meeting debts, conducting businessdealings, etc.

Now according to the definitions chores are not as significant as responsibility. Not that is insignificant to do your chores everyday they teach you discipline and commitment to get things done, but a responsibility, like having pets, is similar to having kids. You come home from work tired and worn out there are two things you need to do, wash the dishes and feed the kids, which on would you do? If you said feed the kids that is being responsible. Doing the dishes is an everyday chore that we all have. It can be put off till the next day if needed. Although a responsibility cannot be put off. Just like for kids and doing their homework. They need to learn when they are young what is more important, running the trash out for dad or study for that History test. It took me until high school to realize that education was far more important than chores. I have my Principal and Pastor from high school to thank for that. When I graduated and went to college I had to cram for prioritizing in life. It was hard with college, work, and home. I did not graduate from college back then. I went back to college in 2010 and graduated in 2012 from AIU. I wish I learned how to prioritize when I was a child.

Try to Treat Your Children Equal

Although there will be favoritism, parents can favor both children in different ways. Some kids need personal time and other kids like a lot of attention. There are also kids who want to go out with there friends after school. Parents could allow them to do this as long as after dinner they got on their homework and got it done. This is a compromise. If the child does not comply then it is their fault and have to learn they need to accept responsibility for their choices and actions. If they will not get their homework done then they need to get on it after school or maybe be able to go play for an hour. If the kid wants to cry about it they need to be explained to why their privilege is being limited or taken away. Even if they do not fully conceive it it may sink in eventually. If you do not work with them then they may go against you. They will learn to deceive you and get away with what they want to. I know this because I did it as a child. I got grounded and told not to play my video games. I figured out a way to put everything back the way it was and when my parents came home. Also my game systems were where the wood burner was so if they got home before I got off I always used the excuse I was taken care of the fire. They never found out to this day. I have gotten away with a lot as a child and got busted on a lot too. I just believe with everything there is a compromise. It is up to you as the parent to develop that. Always talk, listen, give-up, and give on both sides. I can go on and on. If you want any advice or have a question just comment below. I hope more families are getting along in harmony than families who cannot agree what to watch on TV.

The most important thing in the world is family and love.

-John Wooden

BrainyQuote  

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References

Dictionary.com. (2017). the definition of chore. [online] Available at: http://www.dictionary.com/browse/chore?s=t [Accessed 19 Aug. 2017].

Dictionary.com. (2017). the definition of responsible. [online] Available at: http://www.dictionary.com/browse/responsible [Accessed 19 Aug. 2017].

 

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Family Conflict: Will Find Solution in the New Year

I have been living with my parents for too long. It use to be nice. They would listen to my opinion, let me help them, and even let me live a private life; but that has all changed in the last six years. I feel like a mother does when her child grows up and leaves the nest. I feel like I am not needed or wanted anymore. I do not believe that is a fact though. They do need help but I need my independence and freedom. Maybe when I leave they will know I am not always there to help, maybe they would call one day and ask.

I wrote this letter below this year to express how I felt. I wanted to share this because everyone needs to realize the way you act influences others around you. When you are an inspiration in a person’s life, rather a parent, a manager, or a best friend, you can really hurt them when you turn negative towards them. When you have problems that are really hard on you talk to your friends, family, church, or therapist. It does really help. Be aware of how you speak. We need to see the positive side of the day. For example today it is cloudy and raining with a chance of freezing rain. This is a fact so do not look down on it like you cannot go out and do yard work. You may wounder why I say this? I say this because my neighbor chopped down a dying tree between our property line. He is out there right now, in the cold and rain, sawing the tree, now that is being optimistic. If you think you cannot do anything because it is cold and raining then you are a pessimistic. If you believe you need a jacket and maybe an umbrella to go outside then you are a realist. It is better to be a realist that leans to optimism because you need a good balance between being positive and reality. Six years ago I use to have that good balance now I am mostly a realist. I want to go back to being the way I was. Read the letter and let me know what your opinion is.

You are wondering why I refuse to speak to you and I am avoiding you. The reason is to avoid conflict and negativism. I am always argued with a fact or statement I say. I could say, “The sky is blue.” You would argue, “It is cloudy out.” Negativism is a negative or pessimistic attitude. A tendency to resist external commands, suggestions, or expectations, or internal stimuli, as hunger, by doing nothing or something contrary or unrelated to the stimulus. (Random House, Inc, 2015) This causes conflicts and it hurts me emotionally and mentally. This is just a minor thing, because I have come to a conclusion in my teen years that someone will always want to argue with another person. I did not expect it would be you arguing with me stating a fact.
The main reason I decided never to be with you again is because I am not wanted with your family. I do not have a family in this house, I have no home. I have thought when I was in Harrisburg that I would be alone for a long time. I did not think it was forever and you and Gene would abandon me. I have nights I cry myself to sleep because I am all alone. I then remember the family I have, that are not blood, but are truly family. I have a brother, a little sister, a mom and dad, a quarky old guy, and a sister going to college. They feel like family. We have different opinions. We voice are opinions, but we do not yell at one another because we are different. We joke around and if one gets offend by a joke we apologize and never joke about it again. We do not require explanation of everything in our lives. We have our privacy and we respect each other by not intruding into another’s privacy. This is not special it is common in a family relationship it is known as respect. Respect is to refrain from intruding upon or interfering with. (Random House, Inc, 2015)
What you need to know is… I would never refuse to watch a show if I just did not like it. I have done that every day. Common sense says if a person watches something he doesn’t like and refuses to watch a particular show that person must have an issue with that show. The answer to the question you probably have, yes I have a mental issue with Heartland. I have had nightmares just seeing the credits play and I left the room. If you wonder why, well join the club. I will never understand why Heartland is more important than I am. You made your choice and now you will have to live with it. One day I will be out of this state and never let you know where I am. That will be the day I will have the first day of peace in my life.
Feeling Lonely and Rejected,
Ryan Carson

Source

respect. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged. Retrieved December 26, 2016 from Dictionary.com website http://www.dictionary.com/browse/respect

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